Okay, Global Warmists, you have our attention. After the hottest summer since, like, ‘Let there be light,’ there are more than a couple of us paraphrasing ‘Let there be A/C!’ Thankfully, we’ve all come out the other side of The Summer (from Hell) of 2010, and FALL is definitely in the air.

But before we bid summer adieu (it’s Maryland, after all…it could hit 100 any number of times between now and the REAL Fall), tell everybody how freakin’ hot YOU got this summer. Stranded in downtown Baltimore traffic with a broken air conditioner (we TOLD you to take mass transit)? Stood in an unshaded line waiting to buy concert tickets? Suffered through an O’s shutout in the cheap seats (with warm beer, to boot)? Had to play host to out-of-towners, escorting them around Fells Point and Harbor East?

Tell us how hot you got this summer, and we all promise to feel really sorry for you. Then, tell us what you did about it. No, not the earth-friendly commitment you made to your nieces and nephews to be a better global steward; tell us how you cooled off. There’s a free, coveted Eden “Suburbs, schmuburbs” t-shirt waiting for the best submission (voted on by a secret council of not-to-be-named Edenites).

Stay cool.

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One of the better parts of living the downtown Baltimore, waterfront lifestyle is the free stuff the city sponsors to attract people from Cleveland, Philadelphia and, well, Catonsville to come downtown and buy dinners and souvenirs and get parking tickets (revenue, you know).

Some of this free-dom takes the form of free concerts in that most auspicious of venues, the venerable Inner Harbor Ampitheater: the bastion of concrete enclosures where many world-famous fire-jugglers have doubtless gotten their starts. Where one can hear renditions of Jim Croce and Gladys Knight and Jimmy Buffet and John Denver songs.

But this particular free series is a bit better than the lunchtime fare you’ve strolled past and wondered how tired tourists have to be to sit and endure that audible onslaught. Thing is, it ends when August draws to a close (okay, there are two more shows in early September). But, back to August. On Saturday, the 28th,  get your free funk on with Funk Daddy G. On Sunday the 29th, you can transport yourself back through the last few decades and be serenaded by Captain Fantastic, doing the magic of Elton John (maybe he juggles with the magic), and 52nd Street, playing the music of Billy Joel.

It’s free. It’s a short walk from Harbor East or Federal Hill or Fells Point or wherever it is you live. And if the cool breeze happens to be coming in off of the harbor, it could be magic that transcends Elton John. Unfortunately, unlike Pier Six or other venues, you can’t take a nice bottle of chilled Grüner or Sauvignon Blanc with you – lest you fall prey to the city’s scheming yet again, and fill their coffers with the fine you’ll pay for consuming alcohol in public. So, just consume the free music, will ya?

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If you’ve noticed a lot of very happy, centered, Chi-flowing people milling about on Tuesday evenings, and doubtless spilling over to Wednesday morning, they’re probably the smart, savvy and oh so serene Eden residents who are taking advantage of our FREE yoga classes. Admit it, it’s cool to live in downtown Baltimore, right on the water, walk to work…but it can take its mental toll, being so hip and cool and desirable all the time! And the pounding of hoofing it all the way over to Whole Foods or Haagen Dasz, even through your Johnston & Murphys (or Nine West or whatever) needs to be relieved, don’t you think? So instead of kicking the cat, grab some comfy clothes and join your friends and neighbors in The Garden on Tuesday nights from 6:15 – 7:30. It’s FREE! for God’s sake, but, more important, it’ll prolong your life by getting you to chill, and focus inward on what’s troubling you; it’ll get you in tune with your breathing (and open up a few chakras along the way, no doubt.).

Put it in your little phone’s cute little electronic calendar; then set a reminder to, well, remind you, say, at 3 or 4 on Tuesday afternoons that you’ve a date in The Garden (and happy hour can wait till Wednesday). There’ll be a sign-up sheet in the lobby (note, there won’t be a class on the 17th, but will resume the 24th – the instructor’s in court facing assault and battery charges – c’mon! we’re kidding…get it, yoga instructors, the very epitome of serene and calm, assaulting someone…phew! that’s funny stuff – about like the vegetarian that choked on a big-old piece of filet mignon…but, alas, that’s another blog…).

See you in The Garden (under the Tree of Knowledge).

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